FIRE JOKES / BLAGUES INCENDIE
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Fire Rescue Video / Vidéo sauvetage incendie
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close....
"They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Subject: Children's Logic:
" Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher
took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she
asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
Just a joke... Not a fan letter
From: Mrs Smith
To: Fire Chief
Dear Chief,
I am taking this opportunity to thank you for putting out the fire in my house
at 366 Lincoln Street, although you will note from the address above that I do
not live in the house any longer. I can see that a fire in the cellar is fairly
easy to put out. You just fill it up with water. Too bad my fire wasn't in the
cellar.
I was quite worried when the fire engines arrived, with all that confusion and
running around. My husband said, "it's a good thing it was daylight or there
might have been more accidents." I hope the man
who fell off the fire engine when it lurched in front of the house is all right.
The other engine, the big one, just missed running him over.
They really got the hose off the engine fast and piled it up in the middle of
the road and started looking for the ends. One man pulled out one end, put a big
spray nozzle on it and dashed into the house. Another man found the other end
and put a big nozzle on it and ran to the side of the house. Then they both
shouted to "start the water". How ingenious, I would have thought they would
have had to screw the hoses onto a hydrant or truck to get water out of them !
I felt so sorry for the man with the cap on who was left with the engine. He was
wringing his hands, pulling on knobs and, one would have thought that he almost
looked like he didn't know what else to do. He finally got into the engine and
drove it down the street out of sight.
I also felt sorry for the man in the white helmet who kept dropping his portable
radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the
water from the hose hit him, he probably didn't catch a cold. After he found his
helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since
I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset
and angry.
After a while, the smoke was getting blacker and blacker so, I thought it best
that I get some of my belongings out of the house. I was putting together some
of my most valued possessions when two men with tanks on their backs and masks
on their faces rescued me. You men are so thoughtful.
They were in an excitable state and talking incoherently through the masks. One
pointed to a door; I tried to warn them but, it was too late. They opened the
door to the closet and both charged in. I was able to get the bigger fellow out
without too much trouble but, the smaller man's tank was caught in the wall. He
certainly hit the wall hard and the big man was right behind him.
I immediately went to the window to attract attention. I know there was a lot of
men outside running around and yelling. The man with "Captain" on his helmet and
another man with "Battalion Chief"on his helmet who were running around the
house at top speed collided head on. The "Battalion Chief" was furious; the "Captain"
didn't get up. It's a good thing that they moved him because that's where the
big metal ladder landed when it fell over.
In the excitement, someone had closed the closet door where the little man was
trapped and, it wasn't until a little bell started ringing on the man's tank
that anyone thought about him. You people certainly think of everything !
Imagine a bell on you that rings when you get caught in a closet.
They got the poor man out but he almost suffocated when they attempted to revive
him with the breathing machine. Three other people were turning knobs on the
bottles and the air hose while arguing about how to use it. Fortunately, the man
had enough strength to keep pushing the face mask off or he might have smothered
there and then.
By this time smoke was blanketing the neighborhood. I was most impressed when
your new ladder truck pulled up and the men raised the big ladder and chopped a
hole in the roof. My neighbor still wonders why they cut a hole in his roof
instead of mine but, I continue to tell him that he should shut up and leave the
firefighting to the professionals.
I went upstairs where it was very hot and smokey. I opened the windows and, it
wasn't too bad. Outside, men were struggling with a ladder which was caught up
in some electrical wires and branches. Someone had moved it, stranded a guy on
the roof and, they now were trying to get it back to him cause he couldn't get
down. They certainly were excited, dancing around with that ladder !
Then I heard a lot of noise coming from the stairway - hacking, coughing and
swearing. The language was awful ! A man exhorting the others, "get up there,
you @*#%&#@*, get up there !" Through the smoke, I could see a man lying near
the top step of the stairs. He shouted, "Hey Cap, there's a lady up here !" It
must have been "Cap" who yelled back, "Give her the line, maybe she can get a
shot at it and, watch you language, you @#$&*X$."
Because of the difficulty I had getting that big hose around, I would suggest
that the bigger men hold the hoses while the little guys run around with the
tools.
If you remember, after the fire was out, there was a rash of accidents. A man
wearing a white hat and, with more bugles than the others on his collar came
upstairs and berated the man with "Capt."on his hat for throwing debris out the
window without checking to see if someone was below. Shortly thereafter, there
were shouts to stop. The man with all the bugles had just been hit by a falling
sofa while walking along the side of the building.
The officer with "Safety" on his helmet was injured and almost drowned when he
fell through a hole in the floor and ended up in the flooded cellar. A chair had
been placed over the hole but the man in the white hat who had gotten wet
earlier made them move it because someone might have tripped over it. He then
told the man with "Safety" on his helmet that he was a dopey bastard anyway !
Such language !
A "Capt" was making a close examination of a wall when someone struck it with a
heavy tool from the other side. The "Capt" seemed okay but his helmet was wedged
on his head; they couldn't get it off. He also seemed somewhat shorter.
The man with the white hat became very pleasant, although he was still quite
wet. He told me how lucky I was and pointed out to my neighbors and myself the
importance of calling the Fire Department in case of a fire. Most big fires are
the result of delayed alarms. Imagine what would have happened had I waited to
call.
In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so much excitement and
commotion around here since the little boy rang the false alarm and the big
ladder truck rolled backwards down the hill into the car with "Chief" painted on
it and the bell in front.
Thank you again for your efforts on my behalf and, I will try not to leave the
iron on the ironing board again.
Respectfully yours,
Mrs. Smith
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station,
when he
notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the side, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The
boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and a cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with
admiration.
" Thanks mister," the boy says.
The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how
to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the
cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I
wouldn't have a siren."
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into flames. The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact. But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters. The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that darn truck!"
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"Ok," says the redhead and she jumps.
SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it."
A woman frantically calls the fire department to report a fire
in the neighborhood.
The dispatcher asks, "How do we get there?"
Confused she replies, "Don't you still have those little red fire trucks?"
A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put the fire out. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Though there was doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They
rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped in the
middle of the flames.
The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the
department planned to do with the funds. "That
oughta be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing
we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that darn fire truck!"
Q. How do you put out a fire?
A. Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!
Un gars rencontre un camarade d'enfance:
" Qu'est-ce que tu fais de bon mon chum? "
" Bah, Je suis pompier."
" Ah , mon fils de 15 ans rêve de devenir pompier lui aussi."
" Si tu veux un bon conseil , il faudrait que tu fasses poser
dans ta maison un poteau qui descendrait au sous sol afin que ton
gars puisse s'exercer, parce que , comme tu sais, ce qu'il y a de
plus difficile pour les pompiers c'est de sauter dans le vide et
d'attraper le poteau."
10 ANS PLUS TARD.....
Les 2 hommes se revoient ...
" Alors ton fils est-ce qu'il est devenu pompier finalement ?.... "
" NON , sacrament mais mes 2 filles sont danseuses ... "
Un pompier regarde un gamin qui joue dehors. Le gamin a peint un chariot rouge avec des échelles sur le coté, et l'ensemble ressemble plus ou moins à un camion de pompier. Le pompier, tout impressionné, se rapproche et voit un chien et un chat attachés pour tirer le chariot. En parlant au gamin, il réalise que le chien est attaché par son collier mais que le chat, lui, est attaché par les couilles.
Il dit au gamin : Si tu attachais le chat avec son collier, tu pourrais
aller beaucoup plus vite.
Et le p'tit gars de répondre : Ouais je l'sais, mais j'aurais pas de sirène...
